An open letter to Trouble the Dog.
Trouble, so now you're a multi-millionaire. But face it, it can get lonely there in the Big Apple. So here's a suggestion for you, from one canine to another:
Come stay with me in Apex, North Carolina.
It's good here in Apex. Every Saturday and Sunday morning, Dad goes out and buys me a sausage biscuit at Biscuitville. (Do they have a Biscuitville in Manhattan? I rather doubt it.) And I'm sure with you in the house Dad would have no trouble at all buying two biscuits, one for me and one for you, seven days a week.
And then there's Mom. Mom spends most of her time staring at a computer screen or with her nose in a book, but she's cool in her own way. She's not the type who has a fit if a guy whizzes on the bushes once in a while. (I mean, sometimes you just have to go. Right?) Mom likes having me sleep with her and Dad at night, and I'm sure it wouldn't be any trouble (ha ha) to accommodate you as well. Heck, we'd probably buy a king-size bed so everyone would be comfy. And she's pretty reliable about handing out treats at night after my last walk.
So you're wondering, what's it like in Apex? Well, let me tell you, Apex is a great place for a dog. Oh, sure, it's a bit hot here in summer, but it can get pretty hot in New York too, you know. And we don't get the really cold weather that you guys up north get, so you don't have to worry about taking walks when it's bitterly cold. (Dog to dog now, don't you get tired of wearing those sweaters in February? Be honest.) Oh, and there's a dog park in nearby Cary where we can mingle with our own kind (a pass is required, but I think you can afford it).
Now, it's true that New York has some things that Apex doesn't have, like theater, opera, ballet, and art galleries, but let's get real. We're dogs. We don't need all of that high culture--we've got rear ends to sniff.
Yup, I think it's a real dog's life in Apex, North Carolina. And I'm positive that once you've given it a try, you'll agree. So just have your trustees drop Mom an e-mail. She'll be checking daily.
Your new friend,