Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Light Bulbs Redux: Lancastrians, Yorkists, and the Rest of the Gang



What can I say? It's as if a light bulb went off in my head last night. Here are some historical light bulb jokes:

How many Lancastrians does it take to change a light bulb? Seventeen--twelve to take shifts changing the light bulb, two to hide the Keeper of the Light Bulbs from the wrath of Queen Margaret, two to conceal the queen's Beaufort lover of the moment in the wardrobe while the light bulb is being changed, and one to reassure King Henry that the new light bulb will not be used to help illuminate any women wearing scanty clothing.

How many Yorkists does it take to change a light bulb? Eight. One to draw up a petition asserting the necessity of changing the light bulb, one to draw up a petition assuring the realm that no one will be harmed by the changing of the light bulb, one to spread rumors suggesting that the old light bulb was seriously defective to begin with, three to assassinate anyone who gets in the way of changing the light bulb, one to finally change the light bulb, and one of easy virtue to keep Edward IV suitably amused while the light bulb is being changed.

How many Woodvilles does it take to change a light bulb? Sixteen. One to whistle up a wind favorable to light-bulb changing, eleven to make sure that all of Elizabeth Woodville's siblings each have new light bulbs of their own, two to kneel before Elizabeth as she watches the light bulb being changed, one to change the light bulb, and one to give thanks to Melusine when it's all finished.

How many Ricardians does it take to change a light bulb? Four--one to change the light bulb, one to assure everyone that Richard III didn't have anything to do with the old light bulb burning out, one to write a book explaining how worthless and downright shoddy the old light bulb was anyway, and one to blame the Woodvilles for it all.

How many Tudors does it take to change a light bulb? Four--one to change the light bulb, one to send the guy who was taking care of the old light bulb to the Tower, one to blame the old light bulb burning out on the Old Religion, and one to blame the old light bulb burning out on the New Religion.

Got any light bulb jokes of your own?

By the way, if you want some more amusement (and we always want more amusement), stop by Karen Clark's blog, A Neville Feast, for the continuing saga of The Daisy and the Bear, featuring everyone's favorite lovers, Margaret of Anjou and Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick. Yes, that's what I said.

8 comments:

aLmYbNeNr said...

Hahha I love it! And guess what the word verification was when I shared your post on Facebook? "million battles" fitting, right?

Daphne said...

Another good one! Aren't you supposed to be writing a book or something... :)

Ragged Staff said...

How many Nevills does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it; one to decide the old light bulb was working fine and put it back; and one to say it doesn't really matter which lightbulb is used, as the only light that's needed emanates from the Nevills anyway.

Jules Frusher said...

Whatever you're on at the moment, I'll have some! ;-)

Robinbird said...

Hehehehe!

4everQueen said...

Too comical!! Lol! Thanks for the laugh, Susan :)

Anerje said...

Hysterical Susan! I LOVED the Ricardian lighbulb joke! and Ragged Staff's contribution as well:>

Gabriele C. said...

One to draw up a petition asserting the necessity of changing the light bulb, one to draw up a petition assuring the realm that no one will be harmed by the changing of the light bulb...

Hehe, that sounds pretty modern. Let's see, How many EU members does it take to change a lightbulb? 15. One to notice that lightbulbs are changed in different ways in the various countries, one to say that this needs to be a unified process, one to take exact measures of the lightbulbs and lightbulb holders, one to make sure the new lightbulb will not harm the environment, one to make sure it will not harm anyone involved in changing the lightbulb, one to insist on a 50% quota of female members in the Lightbulb Changing Commission, one to draw up a manual of how the lightbulb is to be changed, one to write a legal suggestion that all new lightbulbs must follow the new rules and the countries who don't play along will have to pay a fine, one to translate the manual and the legal draft into all the languages represented in the EU, one to worry about how the whole thing will be paid for, one to insist that money won't be a problem, one to say that his country can't afford to follow the new lightbulb changing rules, one to suggest the other countries pay for the poor bancrupt country, one to say said bancrupt country created the mess all by themselvbes and why should anyone else pay for it, one to call in a commission to solve the problem of the bancrupt country. At which point the Lightbulb Changing will be rescheduled for 2020.