Thursday, December 25, 2008

Historical Stocking Stuffers

So what are some famous folk (and some lesser known beings) asking for as Christmas presents? Fellow blogger Nan Hawthorne and I have devoted some thought to this burning question:

Ethelred the Unready -- a day planner

Alfred the Great - an oven timer

Aethelflaed, Lady of the Mercians - for Bernard Cornwell to get me right in his novels

Harold Godwinson - Edward the Confessor's will in writing.. or not

Godiva of Coventry - super hold hair spray

Offa of Mercia - a really butch dyke

Ivar the Boneless - need you ask?

Aethelwald, son of Ethelred - primo genitor.

Lawrence of Críslicland - for a certain Breton mercenary to take a long walk off a short pier

William Rufus -- A new archery set.

Edward I: Scotland.

Piers Gaveston: Just something handmade. No, really! Well . . . if you insist, jewels are always appropriate.

Isabella of France: My jewels back.

Hugh le Despenser the younger: Whatever someone else is getting.

Roger Mortimer: Hugh on a platter.

Edward II: Fodor's Guide to Italy. Or some Sears Craftsman tools . . . or a craftsman.

Edward III: France.

Edward IV: Getting to Yes.

Elizabeth Woodville: An agreeable second husband who will be nice to my large family.

Richard, Duke of Gloucester: Something round and gold and shiny that fits nicely on my head.

Henry Tudor: Something round and gold and shiny that fits nicely on my head.

Margaret Beaufort: Only the best for my darling, sweet Henry.

Elizabeth of York: My mother-in-law to go on a long pilgrimage. Preferably to the Holy Land.

Henry VIII: 6 free sessions of marriage counseling.

Anne Boleyn: Morning sickness.

Katherine Howard: Someone around my own age to pal around with.

Katherine Parr: Widow's weeds.

Boswell the cairn terrier: Mom to get off her duff and take me for a walk.

Ginny, Onslow, and Stripes: A wing chair apiece so we don't have to share them with those presumptuous two-legged beasts and that irritating dog.

Happy holidays, all, and thanks for suggesting this, Nan!

7 comments:

The Tome Traveller said...

This is SO TRUE! What a great list.

I just found out that I will be getting The Traitor's Wife for review, I can't wait to read it!

Have a wonderful holiday season,

Carey

Mimi said...

Bwahahahahahahahaha! I love it!

Susan Higginbotham said...

Thanks, and happy holidays to both of you!

Nan Hawthorne said...

These were a hoot to do.. I have a couple more than Susan's list.. and a couple fewer.. take a look.. http://nanhawthorne.blogspot.com .

She had to explain one of hers to me, so feel free to ask me what the obscure joke is on mine...

Nan
hawthorne@nanhawthorne.com

Nan Hawthorne said...

How lovely.. the word verification on my earlier post was "humber".. the River Humber forms the northern border of my fictional kingdom Críslicland! If it does Welland this time I will freak out.

Gabriele C. said...

ROFLOL

Couldn't resist to play along.

Carla said...

Great! Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.